Bleeding Love
by prettykittydarling
Summary: sequel to Don't Fade Away. I'm terrible at summaries, so please just read.
1. Chapter 1

001 BITCH

**Bleeding Love**

**I'm so sorry it took me ridiculously long to update, I've been a) incredibly busy b) a terrible person, and c) unable to access the computer for longer than 20 minutes. I honestly feel terrible, and tried to update while at school but sadly can't access from the computers so I just printed out copies of the first few chapters to type up at home**

**I honestly feel so bad at about it, please forgive me everyone; the lie was unintentional. **

**As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter and that like Bleeding Love as much as Don't Fade Away!!**

**On a personal note: **

**I've.got.purple.nail.polish: firstly I love your name, second thank you for looking at this!! I'm happy you liked it**

**Mellolicious: I'm sorry!! Thanks for your patience**

**beamingatyou: thanks again for reviewing its made me very happy**

**Insidejoke: I'm sorry!! Now update Gay Bar!! **

**To everyone else who looked at Don't Fade Away and is now reading this: Thank you all!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or the lyrics (Yvonne Elliman)**

**Chapter One**

Jade was gently shaken awake. Groggily, she looked at the dashboard and saw the time: 4:03 in the afternoon. Ryan had let her sleep for almost an entire day.

She looked up at him blearily. "I'm sorry," he apologize, "but I'm stopping here to grab some eats and I figured you'd be hungry." Mistaking her look he added quickly "I can pay hon, it's ok."

She shook her head. "Thanks anyway. I will get up though, my legs are cramped for sitting for too long." And she had to use the bathroom.

He gave her a smile and stepped out of the truck. She'd picked him up the day before, saying she needed to get to L.A and delicately lied about it being about her having to find the father of her baby. He was a nice enough guy; Ryan Fleming, aged 42. Married his high school sweetheart and had two kids, he'd not only not charged her sexual favours for a ride but had stopped several times to buy her food and clothes.

She was really going to feel like a bitch when she robbed him.

She slipped out of the truck, feet landing hard on the dirt, throbbing. She stretched, her black tee moving up with her arms to expose a tanned, flat stomach and tattoos. Hot winds blew dust into her eyes, she squinted and raised an arm to shied herself. Her hair was tied back, failing to fend off the prespiration. Sweat fell from her hair into her eyes and the back of her neck was soaked. Wisps of frizzy hair floated around her face. She could only imagine what her tee looked like. She was barefoot; boots sitting in the seat. They'd gotten too hot to wear.

She went into the bathroom and relieved herself quickly. While she sat, she rubbed her legs, trying to get some feeling back in them. The only thing her body felt was hot. Disgustingly so.

When she finished, she peeled off her pants; humidity making them cling to her legs. She doubted that anyone would walk in, so she peeled off her shirt too. She turned the faucet on and tossed her tee into it, letting it soak; and briefly ducked her head underneath too.

Dripping, she stepped back and tossed her shirt to the floor, where water seeped into the cracks. She opened her backpack and took out shampoo and conditioner, putting it in her hair and letting it sit while she pulled out scissors and converted her jeans to shorts.

Finished, she went back under the faucet, carefully making sure to rinse everything out. When she was done she quickly finger-combed her hair and let it stay down, and put her shirt back on. It was cold and wet, delicious. Its wetness made it cling to her body but she didn't care. Shame had been forgotten a long time ago.

Quickly, she pulled out a small bag and set the winter powder carefully into the floor, then rolled up a five. Snorting the line up quickly she carefully folded it back up and into her pocket.

She put her shorts back on and stepped out, already reaching to pull out a cigarette and her lighter from her backpack.

Stepping outside, Jade lit it and took a drag. Smoke exhaled, wind tossing it back into her face. She was nervous, alert. Her foot tapped the ground with no particular beat; and aggravated, she started pacing as she smoked.

She glanced behind her. Ryan was still inside, probably having an extra large burger or something. She was hungry, starving; even she recognized how thin she was. Nearly trembling from it. But the mere thought of food was enough to make her stomach want to heave, the drug denied her all of it.

The only time she really indugled in food was when she smoked weed. The tasty green plant brought her low enough to relax and actually be able to taste food. Most of it even stayed down.

She'd found it was easier to smoke rather than eat. Smoke or snort. It gave her energy and killed all appetite.

Jade had a lot of time to think lately, and a lot of things to think about. Things she didn't want to think about. Like the fact that she was now alone, totally alone. And the fact that this hell was self-inflicted made it no easier for her to bear.

It was worse than before, anything that she'd gone through because for a short time she had known true happiness. What it meant to live loving someone and being loved. During the day she tried to forget about them, the faces she was leaving behind. The space around her became smaller and smaller until the lonliness was the only thing she could really feel. Feelings that sent her stronger into addiction.

Dreams she couldn't control. Almost every night, she thought of them. Mello, Matt, even her cats and Laila. Images and memories that cut into her like knives. Made her want to cut into herself with a knife.

She knew the idea of finding love like that again was gone. She'd been lucky to find it once. And she wouldn't try to replace them with anyone else, despite how much it hurt to be alone. As punishment, she had decided that if she couldn't be with them, she wanted to be left alone.

She had nothing, in the end. Nothing but bad habits and a body. Which, in the end, was enough. She sometimes thought about how they would react if she simply went back; her plan to go to L.A had honestly not been very well thought out.

What kept her from doing so was the fear that they wouldn't care. That they had erased her from their lives as easily as everyone else had done. Their rejection would be worse than anything else anyone else could do to her.

Her cigarette was almost done, the kills bitter in her mouth. She looked up, grateful to see Ryan walking toward her with a plastic bag from the shop inside the truck stop.

She waved, gave him an honest smile.

"Hey Rebecca," he said smiling, calling her the name she'd told him was hers. "These are yours." He handed her the bag and she waited until she was back inside to look in the bag.

There was a large wrapped burger and fries, a water bottle, a packet of gum, a bag of chips, and a cheaply-made pair of cargo pants and sneakers. She looked up at him, surprised and shocked silent.

"I thought you might be hungry later," he said, shrugging. She could tell he was embaressed. "And it's not right for you to go around barefoot or with those heavy boots all the time. You gotta think of your baby."

His favourite phrase for her. It had come up about twenty times when he'd given her a lecture about quitting smoking. She assured him that as soon as she hit three months she'd give them up and that had seemed to satisfy him.

"I have sneakers," she said, while he started up the truck.

"I saw those shredded pieces of cloth you call sneakers. I wouldn't pay two cents for them."

She smiled. "Thank you very much."

He turned on the radio and she valiantly tried to block out the dismal country tunes. And people thought punk was depressing.

She tried to sleep. Sleep helped pass time. It kept her from thinking. She didn't want to look at the past while awake; it had hurt her enough. The present was worse. And she refused to look into the future; afraid that if she did there would be nothing there.

_Don't know why I'm surviving every lonely day  
When there's got to be no chance for me  
My life would end and it doesn't matter how I cry  
My tears of love are a waste of time_

**So that is chapter one, I hope it was ok. I've been fortunate in my life to meet people like Ryan when I needed them, I think Jade is too.**

**Anyway, please review!! **


	2. Chapter 2

001 BITCH

**Again it took me a long time to update, I'm so sorry!! I'll try to be quicker!!**

**To anyone who reviewed or read this thank you!!**

**KaiH: Thank you!! I'm flattered!! And thanks for being the first reviewer!!**

**Mellolicious: That's so sweet, I'm glad you liked it, even though you confused me a little lol. **

**i Love Lawliet: smile smile I'm so happy thank you, I'm glad you were looking forward to it**

**Disclaimer: No tengo propiedad sobre Death Note. Y tampoco las lyricas (America)**

**Chapter One**

"I don't care if you have to sell your grandmother into slavery; you'll either have my money by this time tomorrow or you'll have a pair of broken kneecaps. Pick one."

With that, Mello left. Fucking lowlife. He wasn't sure what pissed him off more; the junkies that couldn't get their shit together long enough to pay him or actually having to go pick up the money.

He was angry a lot, that was nothing new. And as usual, he took it out on others. Except for Matt. There was simply no point in trying to take it out on Matt.

It had been more than two months since Matt had stopped being his lover. More than two months since he'd closed himself off within himself in a way that made him seem unapproachable even to Mello.

He couldn't help but hate her for it.

And that felt good, hating her felt good and right. She deserved it, had picked drugs over them. She'd been the one to leave. He was completely justified in hating her. More justified than he felt when he worried about what she was going through, whether people treated her as badly as he did his own custumers, what she was doing, what she might force herself to do. He was angrier still when he missed her.

She didn't deserve it, the little bitch. She didn't deserve the right to cause them that much pain.

He'd all but used up his resources looking for her. Risked his reputation—dangerous in his line of buisness—by showing concern for someone his associates viewed only as trash. As far as money went, the private dectective said she'd been in Sacramento sometime in early September, but nothing after that.

The trouble was that she'd jumped around, not really taking a direct path to anywhere. In other words, very difficult to track.

He didn't know why he bothered to keep trying. He didn't know where she'd go. A part of him didn't care. She'd made her choice, deserved what she got. End of story.

A bigger part of him said he was fooling himself.

Mello got back to the apartment around eight. Matt was there, of course, on the new Xbox or whatever new gaming shit he'd bought. As usual, the damn little cat was settled comfortably on his shoulder as though she thought herself a parrot. The other was no where to be seen.

He didn't really care, so he went to the kitchen. Pathetic really. Entirely too messy and didn't seem to contain anything remotely edible. He slammed it, provoking exactly no reaction from Matt. As usual. The only sign he was even alive was the rise and fall of his chest and the softest breathing.

This was ridiculous. Mello was fucking tired of coming home every day to an apartment full of ghosts. He was eighteen for God's sake, these were supposedly the best years of his life; he was richer than he'd ever been in his entire life. He thought that it would have made him more happy.

He thought back. Whenever he'd been feeling—what best suited his mood—edgy; he'd fucked Matt. However, Matt was currently unwilling to fuck anyone. He'd long since desposed for Debbie's—was that her name?—number, along with others.

No matter. He was getting laid tonight. It didn't really matter by who. All that mattered was getting out, escaping this place full of ghosts. It was like the apartment had frozen in time and nothing was even real anymore.

Touch was real. Sex was real. If he was having sex, he was real. It sounded strange even to himself. But that didn't change what he had in mind.

It had been almost three months. Enough time to forget. Whether or not Matt did, he would push Jade to the back of his mind.

The club of his choice was called Lava. The inside was smoky, dark. Cool neon blue lights lit up the main stage and the bar, with dim beams sweeping the dance floor. Mists rose, obscurring his view. Despite the cool temperature, the wave of bodies sweating and moving together made it warm, the energy high.

He went over to the bartender, a big guy named Kyle who's family was originally from Pakistan. Heavy techno roared from speakers, the singer's voice half-divine, half-snarl.

He ordered a beer for himself and sat back to look around. There were already lots of girls looking at him, boys too. Mello smirked. One blond in particular caught his eye. She had been dancing suggestively with her friend, looking at him. She gave him a slow smile and went to sit at a table, hips swishing.

He sent her a drink.

She accepted it and went over to him. Speaking loudly to be heard over the music she asked his name.

"Mello," he said, looking her over. She wore expensive designer jeans, custumized with painted flames rising from the bell bottoms, her flat stomach showed off with a tight orange tank top.

"I'm Linda," she said, sidling closer to him. He reached out to touch her waist and bring her closer. She sat in his lap. They knew the game, both of them. "My friend and I have been watching you," she said, gesturing to the brunette at the table. "We haven't seen you here before."

"I may be coming more often if I'll see you," he answered easily. She finished his drink and he kissed her.

When she broke off, breathless, she said "My roommate's in Chicago. Do you want to join us for a few drinks?"

She led him over to the table, his fingers skimming at her waist. Her friend rose to greet them. Linda introduced them: "Mello this is Janice. Janice, Mello's coming with us."

He checked her out too. Pretty but too skinny, hip bones jutting from the sagging waistband of her low riders, held up by a thick belt. She smiled at him, hips swung to the side.

By the time they got up to the third floor where their room was, Linda was almost boneless in his arms, and Mello had discovered that Janice wasn't wearing a bra.

Her bed was large and soft. Janice was left with nothing but a delicate satin thong, clothes flung on to the floor with his own. Linda was beside her on top of him, naked, trailing quick butterfly kisses down his chest and stomach.

He should be hard.

Mello didn't understand why he couldn't get into it. They seemed to be enjoying themselves but he couldn't seem too. What the fuck was going on.

He yanked at Linda's hair, forcing her to his member. She complied, and Janice's warm lips met his own. Under the blonde's lips he could feel himself getting harder until he was ready.

He fucked them both in the crudest sense of the word. No emotional attachment, no passion. When he was finished he went to the bathroom to clean up.

Ignoring them, he found his clothes and Janice sleepily opened an eye. "Hey," she said. He turned to look at her. "Can I call you sometime?"

"Yeah, that's fine," he said, rattling his number off to her quickly. She reached for a pen on the floor and wrote it down while he dressed.

"You can stay here if you like," she offered, making room.

"I have other places to be," he said briskly, turning to leave. She got out of bed to catch up to him before he left and kissed him. He returned it and then pushed her away. "I have to leave."

"I'll call you ok?"

He didn't bother to answer.

Outside, he started toward home. For the first time, the sex had been truly unfullfilling. And it wasn't like they had been amateurs either. Unbidden, a memory surfaced to his mind of sweet-smelling hair and eyes the colour of molten gold, a shade he had never seen before.

Damn it.

She wouldn't his thoughts. He felt like a child, saying to himself 'this wasn't about Jade, this wasn't about Jade.'

It had all been about Jade. He couldn't keep fooling himself. But what could he do about it now? She was gone, that was it.

He wanted to break every bone in her body.

Resigned, he reached the apartment and walked in. Matt wasn't on the couch so he checked his room. He was already asleep, something that was becoming more frequent. Red hair fell over his eyes, his breathing slow.

Mello reached out to him, softly brushing back his hair and bending to give him a soft kiss. If he could he'd get in there with him but the new Matt wouldn't have been much comfort.

He went to his own room and undressed again, putting on only his pajama bottoms. Matt was heavy on his mind, worry not letting him sleep. Nothing new there.

Pantera leaped lightly on to his bed. He walked up the blankets and stopped beside his head, green eyes accusing.

"What do you want me to do about it?" he muttered, turning over and closing his eyes.

_Moon rising, disguising lonely streets in gay displays  
The stars fade, the night shade falls and makes the world afraid  
It waits in silence for the sky to explode  
Here I am on Man's road, walking Man's road, walking Man's road_

**So that's what Mello's doing. To answer everyone's questions, Chapter One was still in July after Jade had only been gone a few weeks; this is skipping to about mid-October. The story will continue from here.**

**Also, my friend asked me at school: Jade is not pregnant, she was lying. I think people got that but just in case.**

**Anyway, it took me a while to post this because I couldn't get on and I hope you like it!! The pace will pick up now in the next couple chapters so bear with me please!!  
as always, please review. I love them**

**Good night!!**


	3. Chapter 3

001 BITCH

**Sorry for the late review!! I've been sort of…dead, actually. An ED got a little out of control and I was really sick for weeks. I'm starting to feel better though, so hopefully I'll be able to update this quicker.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. The lyrics are by Belinda**

**Chapter Three**

Los Angelos wasn't always the glamourous place TV made it out to be. Although still buzzed from her earlier joint with Christian, Jade knew an evening was wasted when it was barely ten and she was already huddled behind a bus stop, holding back Allie's hair while she heaved, and soaking themselves beyond the point of caring.

It hadn't been raining when they'd left so Jade had worn a gold silk tank top that had been a gift from Christian. Jade knew that he couldn't afford to get that sort of clothing in stores but the fact that he'd probably stolen it from one of his 'ladies' didn't really bother her. It hugged her thin body and showed off a teasing sliver of rain-slicked skin from her waist to her black jeans. The rain had made the famous Santa Ana winds cold on her bare arms and she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself while her friend unsteadily got to her feet.

The streetlights in this area of town flickered unsteadily. It was still raining, not as hard as before but as steadily, causing her make-up to have washed off long ago and her hair stick wetly to her head in face. In the pale moonlight and flickering streetlight, Jade's eyes seemed even larger and haunted, face somehow made older as shadows lined it.

She made sure Allie was alright before reaching for another cigarette, the simple black tin case having protected them. Ducking her head inside the stop she lit up, ignoring the No Smoking sign blatently.

Christian poked his head in. "I don't think she feels like going to another party," he said wryly, his voice rich with a slight husk--remarkably sexy for a fifteen-year-old. It wasn't just his voice that allowed him to keep up with his buisness, it was the body that accompanied it.

A skinny build with washboard abs and just below 6". His face looked older with its multitude of piercings: lip, eyebrow, nose, at least four in each ear and he'd hinted teasingly at one other. Pair that with the most beautiful pair of wide, wide eyes so pale blue they almost seemed luminescent and full, sensual lips. Add to that rougish platinum and black hair that was glossier than anything she'd ever been able to pull off.

Despite his appearance, Jade hadn't so much as kissed him. Being around him gave her a sort of pleasure; Mello's looks (albeit punkier) with Matt's calm, caring personality. It wasn't the same—didn't _compare_—but being with him was the closest she'd come to filling that empty space.

They also had one thing in common, something Jade prayed that the ones she loved had never and would never have to do. After returning to L.A, Jade hadn't taken very long to start prostituting herself. She'd met up again with her old crowd, but without Laila felt too awkward to fit in. It was strange to be seen as the little innocent she'd been around them before. She got the numbers of a few good dealers and then went on her own.

It was just all so much harder than she had thought. She'd held on to the idea of L.A like the holy city, thinking that all she would have to do was organize herself. She hadn't counted on the way she was going to get money to pay for a place to stay, or feed herself, or pay for drugs and smokes and booze…

She could think of nothing else. No places would hire her, so she'd walked the street. Her landlord, Melvin, had also reached an informal arrangement with her. There were periods when she had very little money, not enough for rent. During those times he'd give her extensions, or sometimes even reductions in turn for meeting his physical demands. At those times he was never gentle with her, often downright cruel; but it helped keep her above the water. Christian, who lived with her, had a similar deal with him too.

He was a different story altogether. He'd lived a relatively normal childhood in poverty with his mother, who was young and unmarried. When he was seven she married someone, Christian wouldn't name him to either Jade or Allie. The bottom line had been that his mother pretended not to notice all the nighttime visits that were made to her son's bedroom by her new husband. When he hit thirteen, Christian decided to run away. He'd come to L.A hoping to be an actor. He'd learned quickly what he'd had to do to survive.

Jade thought privately that was only slightly less sick for him to prostitute himself and save his mother the trouble of doing it for him.

But that was his own buisness, and she wasn't much better off. She'd seen him in September the first time, looking like a scared kid trying to be grown-up in his trench coat (stolen) and combat boots (secondhand). His eyes had captivated her, an intense shade she'd been drawn too; a bespelling.

It reminded her too much of Mello.

She'd already met up with Allie at that point, having been renting rooms in the same building. It didn't take long for Christian to impose himself on her and they'd started splitting the rent.

Jade didn't know Allie's story yet, all she knew was that the girl had been kicked out of her house. She didn't pry; and her friend didn't offer any information. Jade noticed Christian's expression and realized she'd let her mind wander. Going back to reality she said: "Let's get back."

He started to help Allie up, letting the girl lean on both of them to walk. They reached the complex and went in, stumbling up the stairs and Jade cursed the lack of elavator. She unlocked the door and Allie lay down on the mattress, sweating.

"She'll be ok?" he asked, nervous. Jade hid a smile, despite her nerves. The way he looked, it was hard to remember he was fifteen. The smile faded when she thought that most kids his age weren't having to grow up as fast as he was.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be here for an hour to make sure she doesn't puke though. I gotta head out later though, so if you're ladies don't call stay here, k?" she got up to open the window while she lit a cigarette.

"I can't," he said. "I got a message from Kate; I gotta call her back." Jade shrugged, resigned, and he bit his pierced lip nervously. "I'm sorry."

She waved an arm. "Forget it, go. Pick me up on the way back though, you oew me."

She heard him go to the next room, talking sweetly to the older woman. When he hung up she heard the blow-dryer and grinned. She brushed back Allie's hair while she watched the clock, satisfied to her hear her steady breaths. She wouldn't be waking up happy tomorrow but she'd be fine.

Jade didn't bother to shower but simply blew-out her hair and put on a short cherry-coloured skirt that hung below her hip bones, the wispy lace hem dangled jaggedly over her thighs. She added on a clinging back top and quick coat of make-up and spritzed on some cheap peach-smelling perfume. Grabbing her bag she left.

An hour later she was going back up those same stairs, giggling. The man behind her was old, at least sixty with wispy white hair and a sagging face. "Shh…" she giggled, "be quiet it's a secret," she whispered.

He leered and followed her. She had the key to Allie's room and made a show of unlocking the door bent over, her butt out toward him while he groped around her short skirt, almost panting with excitement. She let him in, giving him a quick, teasing kiss while she closed the door.

That night she dreamed of them again. A warm night in the park, the breeze playing with her hair and the scent of rain in the air.

"_Aren't you going to study at all?"_

_"I might later, on the day of the exam."_

_"You're terrible. I don't know how you managed to get on the honour roll."_

His kisses, sweet and tender and probing, the feel of him inside her on the wet ground, rain pouring on to their slick bodies.

Jade woke up crying. As usual, she went to (in this case, Allie's) drawer and pulled out the foil, getting the rest of what she needed from her bag. She sat on the floor and flicked her lighter underneath the aluminum, inhaling deeply.

It was the only way to chase the dreams away.

_Just remembering lies the seconds pass by_

_I don't how to forget you_

_The rain falls against the windows_

_Painting your protrait, a moment is an eternity_

**So, this was a bit about Jade's life and what she's been up to. I'm very very tired and starting to imagine things so I'm going to sleep.**

**Please read and review and I hope everyone likes it!! **

**Night**


End file.
